the no-entry widout the no...

Loving was something I ran from.
Trusting was something that didn't come easy.
Being myself was something I could never do.
Faking a smile was something that came naturally.
Hating myself was something I could not hide.
Being free was something that seemed so far away.
Wishing was something I learned didn't come true.
Everything was just so fake to me.
I was a stranger to myself.
But that all changed in one quick heartbeat.
When you said you loved me..........................

a new beginning or an end....

Either i am going insane or the whole world is conspiring against my happiness...everything seems to be over...in a fraction of a second my a lil world no longer exists....best of friends...have vanished...why...i have no clue...everybody does what is good for them...people do what is important for them...nd thats the lifestyle am gonna adopt soon...where my whole world will hover around my happiness..nd its time to think about the real ME.....the extra special ppl...the understandings..the time sharing...everything is over now...these r the ephemeral joys of growing up...didnt noe that dis is the way its gonna be over.....i always thot saying something had two meanings...m still a novice in this new new world...i suddenly feel like an alien....alien in my own world on wich i stepped 21 yrs ago...its a strange strange world...people have their own comprehensions...own interpretations...everything has an altogether different meaning..listening to them gives me gooseflesh..wots rong wid my sense of reasoning?? why cant i think that way as well????? belonging to a birla school since childhood...strongly feel all schools should be shut down....r u asking y??? because...they didnt teach me the real comprehensions nd interpretations of life...so y did i pay them???? and y because of them i should be an alien in my own world...m nt seeking sympathies...broad shoulders to lean on....not anymore....its time to get up...nd make sumthing out of my life...be what my "pathshaala" tot me...nd be d small town yet happy in my own world gal that i alwys was...nd one lastt thing...there are no relations in this world....there is only person that exists...nd thats "ME"....one relation thats "I" and one person that each one of us love and thats "MYSELF"....i l be a part of the race very soon....

d girl next door....

i hate men.....dts the first thing that comes to ur mind when u watch dis flick...not evn men...u hate females as well..nd start loving your mom a lot...more than u do right now...its a cruel ugly world...based on a true story..it revolved around the torture meted out to two sisters by their five stepbrothers and stepmom..no its not the usual not giving them food or differentiating amongst them...its gross!!! for sins which were not committed...the gal is stripped in fronta all the people in her house by her own brother with her hands tied up and mouth as well....then a knife goes inside her naval with bloood gushing out....nd den d step mom takes her cigrate nd inserts it in her naval....what has she done do deserve all dis??? not evn rape victims are traumatised so badly...if u think dts all...its not...then d othr son appears...ties her up again...nd has ANAL *** wid her...r u asking y?? thts becasue she tries to escape from the captivity...dts nt all...d step mom wants to do somethng to her so tht no man ever wants her..nd tht can be done if just one point in her body is removed....do i need to mention its her ... V....she burns it....!!! u dont expect someone to live after tht...do u...?? who says...its a beautiful world??? is dis the world we live in....!!!! clutching my remote...hugging my pillow...i have never felt so helpless while watching a movie....!! everygal is vulnureble...ready to b attacked by a bunch of salivating foxes..all they need is d body...y dont they try corpses???? necrophiles????

a dark pit...

its tiring..brain draining nd i dunno wt not...t js statd wd sum multitasking shit...and has been streching on and on..more dn a rubber band...more dan fusengum...its shitty and crappy....wn ppl r angry...do they forgt wt d other prson supposedly means for dem...or mayb everythn is a mirage....its a self-centred world...all people care abt is just themselves...and it hovers around "me" and caters to"my needs" everythn else is bullshit......vrybdy is cncrnd abt "wt i have done" nd d adjustments nd the so called sacrifices....a conclusion by them is the end of all discussions....because they are saints suffering between a bunch of sinners....vrybdy but them is a sinner....
all i miss is some peace in dis world....i wanna flyyyyyy away....far away from everybdy.....just some time alone...shut myself up away from the whole world............!!!! i hate it....!!!! stayin at home is the cherry on the cake....wt a piss offf....!! wr is god....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Colors of a Confused mind...

Life is a kaliedoscope...u luk at it thru different angles and it showz u different colors..not all of them so pleasent nd heart warming...constant ups and downs in life..with two roads diverged...nd u just dont know which one to take...it makes me feel BLACK... when i look at what lies ahead..its a complete blank feeling with no answers from inside...the cherry on the black cake is a drop of confusion when u want everything...but yet to conclude what...options have opened up..bt its yet to be decided which path to follow..!! someone's said the truth..humans are never satisfied with what they have..if they are they arnt humans...right now i just feel if i had lesser options life would have been easier...bt only if it was like that...!!! i wanna fly....feel the BLUE of the sky...the ORANGE and RED of the sun....away from home...but at the same time i dont wana leave him nd go...it makes me feel...JADED.....dunno what to choose.... away from him..nd all the colours just seem to fade..how can one live a colorless life???

Little ups and downs recently....hospitals give me creeps...few days there nd u feel a patient urself...with the walls closing down on u...nd nothing to do....feel the bad RED...when u get to noe that the people who u thot would be always there for u....are too preoccupied to even bother about anything but themselves....but things wrnt so bad...sumone ws just there to give that broad shoulder and all the comfort one needs...life aint all that bad afterall...dts what makes all d decisions more difficult....y cant life be simpler/??

Temporary Blindness...

A visit to d ophthalmologist..the nurse put some eye drops n my eye..nd ask me to close my eyes till mu pupils get dilated..love makes u a little crazy...fr the initial few minutes i was njoying it..u hardly get time to sit back with your eyes closed nd think of everything that ws getting postponed vrytym...js wanted tht someone next to me...nyways....it went for about 15-20 mins if not less..nd after those initial few minutes started feeling helpless..cud just see the sunset nd sunrise where the sun was my eye ball..nd i was deperate for light...so desparetely tried to catch my eyeball in my thoughts...thought once i cud remove the black sun..thrd be light again..!! for a few minutes everybody around me was quiet..dat added on to the desparation..for one minute i could find myself recaling all the science that i had ever studied..my eyes and my ears r linkd...is thr really no one around me...!! or coz i cant open my eyes..my ears are also conspiring against me..few minutes of temporary blindness and i realized how lucky i have been to be able to see the orange of sun..the black of nite..the white of the moon..the green of the trees...nd a few minutes for those who have been deprived of this joy...worse is for those who have lost it accidently..! god bless them..amen..!

A lost ball in the high weeds...

Life has come to a halt...everything is over...whatever hard work or effort ws put in..hs all gone into vain...its a complete mess..someone said.."therz a difference in being sad and feeling bad"..few days ago was sad..i had done everything i could..couldn have done better...now i feel worse...y everytime things go wrong...every day each second passes by in asking myself " whats next ???"..everybody is heading towards their destination...but for me its all hazy...ya i have some plans for myself..but dat all depends on how much time i have..no m not suffering from any terminal illness..but as of now its even worse than that...!!!! Its an aimless journey...god has got the strings of my life...and i have been dancing to his tune since when...it bites...but i m not left with a choice.....people say u underestimate yourself and all that blop..but you cant explain it to anyone that nothing happens overnight..thrz nothing left not to overestimate..!!! at this point of time..when i look around i find no one...!! no i dont want sympathy or words of encouragement from anyone...just someone to listen to...!! m being selfish..may be...but atleast am being honest with myself...!! life has never been easy....but this time its nowhere to go...!!!

who moved my cheese?

"Life is no straight road and every corridor along

which we travel isn't free and unhampered,

but it is a maze of passages,

through which we must seek our way,

lost and cofused,now and again

checked in the blind alley.

but always if we have faith,

God will open a door for us,

not one perhaps dat we ourselves,

would have thought of,

but one dat will ultimately

prove good for us..."

Who moved my cheese revolves around four characters: two rodents and two little people. All four set out on their journey in life to look for their " cheese " through a maze.The maze is not without dead ends and dangers.but each one of them moves forward to discover their cheese.what differentiates the characters is their attitudes.one rodent "smells" the path and moves on it..the other rodent follows its colleague and is ready for the adventure.After they have found wot they want.the little people start considering the cheese as their cheese and become possessive about it wich finally turns into arrogance.it becomes a part of their life which they have found with trouble and harsdship and nobody can take that away from them.On the other hand the little rodents realize that their cheeze wont last long and when it finally finishes they move on.but the little people become traumatic and start placing blame on others for what has happend.and keep wishing that whatever has been lost is replaced back.they keep doing that untill it finally dawns on one of them that its time to look for his "new cheese"..

we have all made choices in life.our "cheese" represents our career,work place and our relationships. the hardwork that we do to reach our goals is d maze of our life.there are dissapointments in every corner.but what we need to know is to get up and once again move ahead.what always holds us back is our fear of failure.because of this most of the time we dont do anything and just sit back hoping that things will automatically fall into place.once we have achieved our goals nd got our so called cheese we become possessive about it.it becomes our property and dont evn think once whther this will stay with us forever or we need to adapt to the changes.and when it suddenly changes we are never ready to adapt to the changes.it has been rightfully said "THE ONLY THING CONSTANT IN LIFE IS...CHANGE!! ".....the sooner we adapt to the changes and move ahead to find our cheese...the better it is for us..!